Wednesday, October 04, 2006

From time to time, people ask me stuff and I got a long list from my pal Sime today, so I'll try to answer these as best I can:

What would Jesus do if he saw a drug deal going down outside his local church?
Actually, I stay away from churches. It's the stench of hypocrisy I can't stand. So, realistically, I wouldn't see a drug deal go down outside my local church because I don't hang around churches.

What would Jesus do if he ran out of ketchup?
You're talking to the man who turned water into wine, here! I'd need vinegar if I wanted to get some instant ketchup. Failing all that, I just have to go down to Tesco's like everyone else.

What would Jesus do if he was offered a place on Big Brother?
I'd take the spot, though I will most likely get kicked out after the first week because the viewers may feel I come across as an arrogant pratt who thinks he's God's gift to the world.

What would Jesus do if he was offered crack?
Funny story, actually. Drug dealer offered me some in exchange for being spared arrest and a life in prison. Gave it a go. Not the rush I was expecting, then again, it takes a lot to move me.

What would Jesus do if the lights changed from Green to Amber as he approached them in a car doing slightly over the speed limit?
I am the Son of God. I would change the lights back to green.

What would Jesus do if he had to choose between melon or pineapple?
I would choose pineapple. You can do so much more with pineapple. Like stick pieces of it on toothpicks with cheese and a cocktail gherkin. And sometimes I get drinks served to me in pineapples while I am on my holidays. In the picture above, you will see I have a drink in a coconut. Which is not as versatile as a pineapple.


Blogger A shade of Red said...

Side-splitting :)
I trust J is getting a tan whilst enjoying his coconut cocktails!
Question for J : Who is really King, you or Elvis?

6:38 AM  
Blogger * (asterisk) said...

See, he's not a bad chap. Although I think melon is more versatile than pineapple, and tastier.

7:40 AM  
Blogger purplesimon said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

8:08 AM  
Blogger purplesimon said...

Thank you. In more ways than you can imagine.

[I had to remove the last post because I am slightly pissed and stoned and completely fucked the spelling/grammar/sentence structure, but apart from these bracketed words was exactly the same]

purplesimon (aka Sime) out...

8:11 AM  
Blogger purplesimon said...

Shit, Sweet Jesus. I shouldn't be commenting...

purplesimon (well and truly) out...

8:11 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

Jesus, I've been wondering, with all the tropical drinks you're knowcking back, not to mention the water into wine thing, do you ever get hungover? What do you do about it? I'm a bit hungover at the moment and could use some divine guidance.

8:28 AM  
Blogger Jesus aka J-Man said...

Shade of Red: I am indeed getting a tan. Thanks for noticing!

* - I like melon too. I just get more joy from a pineapple

Sime - You're welcome.

Chris - Fear not, my boy. I will be putting up my hangover guide over the next few days.

8:43 AM  
Blogger Moira said...

I knew he couldn't the J-man wasn't the stuffed shirt my Sunday School Teacher made him out to be.

9:29 AM  

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